I've always been a bit of a night owl.
Going to bed early, to me, makes me feel like I'm going to miss something. I have such clarity in the evenings. I'm kid free in the evenings. It's quiet. Peaceful. I think I've developed a bit of a bad habit, and I'm starting to feel the effects.
I've not only noticed how tired I feel lately, but I've had troubles with weight gain-and bouts of anxiety-even though I'm meditating, and grounding as much as possible.
My nervous system is stressed, due to lack of sleep, causing me to feel this anxiety. It's Raised my cortisol levels causing my body to store excess weight. I'm feeling physically not myself, and so i'm forced to really evaluate my sleeping patterns-which is something I have avoided for a long time.
How patient I am, or am not with my kids is also a factor in my lack of sleep. I can't do my best when I'm exhausted. I can't be the best mom that I know how to be if I continue down this path.
I go to bed between 11 and 12pm. For lots of people, this doesn't seem late. But when I'm woken by a sweet girl, who crawls into my bed, and rubs my cheek with her hand, and runs her fingers through my hair, and kisses my cheeks and nose and says "I love you mommy," EVERY morning at 630am, I feel unconditionally loved, and unbelievably exhausted.
While the pure joy of her love never gets old, I want to wake feeling more refreshed, not feeling like I need to lay in bed for another hour before I start my day.
I know my husband doesn't like that most nights I'll stay awake downstairs to clean up, or watch a show, or journal, because I'm not ready to go to bed. I could absolutely fall asleep, but for some reason I'm just not ready to end the day.
"Your future depends on your dreams, so go to sleep."
I've always wanted to be up before the kids to either do yoga, meditate, and have myself a healthy breakfast and coffee before the kids wake up. Maybe even get a quick journal done. Maybe start running, or do a workout. Quality self love. Something I talk about almost every day lately. I know I'd feel better throughout the day if I did. I know, because I've done it enough times to count on one hand. It was epic. Every time. But i've never been able to get into the groove.
I think It's time for me to just start building a new pattern. I need to make my self a "bed time." I'll have to make sure that I have done whatever it is that I need to do before that time.
I'll set aside 3 days of the week to begin, when I wake up at 530 to take time for myself before the kids wake up.
I will watch the sunrise in silent. I will find more peace. I will feel better. I will discipline myself, and become a better version of me.
"Early to bed, and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise."
#ESMEINK Journal Entry by Lise-Marie Johnson