lise marie johnson

#ESMEINK :"Being Quiet + Letting Go " Day 14

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Today I feel there are not many words. I'm a bit stuck picking a topic, and nothing has outright slapped me in the face to inspire me like in the past week. So I leave it short and sweet today, simply checking in with my self. And I feel content. Happy. Somewhat more grounded and calm. I'm grateful. I'm at peace.

{PEACE.} It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, hard work, chaos, hardship, struggle, etc… It means to be in the midst of all of those things and still find calm in your heart.

{Lise-Marie Johnson}

....Hi, I'm Bekah Glass - and I write and manage this beautiful blog for Esme.

Along this #ESMEINK journey with Lise - each and every time I receive her journal entries - I am not only captured by her vulnerability - but also encouraged to share my own truth. There is such freedom in sharing ourselves with others - the victories, defeat, and grey confusing areas of every day life. I have felt the kind push of my heart and soul to begin sharing my own stories with you...and although today - Lise found a blockage in her writing ... I wanted to jump in and add on to her above journal entry...I may ramble, but hopefully i somewhat make sense...

In the midst of the chaos of life - quieting ourselves is one of the most powerful tools we hold control over. I grew up learning scripture in the southern US - the "bible belt" - and although I feel I've veered off the path of rigidness within religion- I still find life-giving truths from the things I've learned along the way. One of my favourite verses as a young adult was Psalm 46:10:

"Be STILL and KNOW that I am God."  

I have always struggled with the voices that surround me. I have found significance in others approval of me and great sensitivity towards negativity and judgement. The reason I always loved this scripture was because it calmed me - it reminded me to stop, regain perspective, block the voices of others, and be silent. However, recently I learned that the Hebrew meaning of this scripture actually does not mean to "BE QUIET" - but to "LET GO"...  this changed everything for me.

I am currently in battle with letting go of so many things - my past, my mistakes, who others EXPECT me to be, and who I MYSELF have expected to become.

Letting go is not losing your voice, goals, or heart ... it is simply granting yourself a little more grace.

Grace is one thing we all need to give freely with zero restraint...

especially to ourselves. 

So - stop, be still, have real conversations with your heart - ask yourself the tough, piercing questions... but also let go of the HINDERING energy, expectations...the PRESSURE. When we step into the space of allowing ourselves freedom to be quiet and explore - we cultivate vulnerability and get to know our own hearts.

Never quiet the longings within yourself - but try to let go of the pressure and restraint. Allow yourself to wander, learn, be curious...and also figure out what is best to release the power & control over ....to LET GO OF...we tend to find these answers in the quiet moments we spend with ourselves.

Let go and dive into yourself. Unrelentingly. Passionately. Unapologetically.

We invite you to join along with us in this personal journey of pouring out - we want to learn with you. A tribe of others that seek truth, personal growth, and new lessons - is such a beautiful group to be apart of....Please share your stories, struggles, and triumphs with us.

xo.

#ESMEINK Journal Entry by Bekah Davis Glass & Lise-Marie Johnson

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#ESMEINK :"How I Feel Today" Day 1

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WHERE I AM TODAY

"Someone whom I'm inspired by wrote these words, and they comfort me today;

"Sometimes it is best to sit in the darkness. Sometimes tears, confusion and surrendering into NOT KNOWING is the best place to be. Sometimes the darkness and discomfort of not-knowing is the remedy for our souls to slow-the-hell-down and listen." -Kori leigh.

Today, i'm at a fork in the road. I know which way I am headed, but I'm going crazy with not being in control of when i'll be headed there, as well as the slight possibility that it may not happen at all.

My soul prompts me to visualize the future. I have always felt that visualization can help get me to where I need to be. I can't wait to get where I'm going to. Or at least, where I think I'm going. On the flip side, I feel really lost when I think I won't get there.

{disconnect}

I feel disconnected to Calgary lately also. Knowing where I am going is frightening and exciting, and consumes my daily thoughts. I've somehow put the breaks on everything happening in my life in Calgary. It's easier to say goodbye that way. It's a strange feeling. Coasting, waiting. I believe every feeling and emotion to be not only normal right now, but necessary.

{soul work}

I believe in the importance of balance in life. Homeostasis.

It is normal to want balance, and when we have blockages, or feel imbalanced or just plain crazy, then that indicates work needs to be done. I

have been off balance for some time. In my body, mind, and soul. So I'm starting here. Today. Soul. That is why i'm writing. I've never kept a journal. Ok well, maybe a few entries from time to time. I've written poems and songs, but never taken an inventory of my soul and guided myself in a ritualistic, disciplined way. I keep looking ahead, because I think it will keep me focused and ready. But these thoughts consume me lately, and they're not serving me well right now. I need to let go, and accept that if this big change doesn't happen, that it will be ok. I need to live for today, and not for the future. I need to have faith, that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. I have an amazing job, family, and am creating a beautiful circle of friends here in Calgary.

I'm letting go of the people and things that do not improve my quality of life, and that do not help me connect and feel grounded.

I'm pouring my feelings out and figuring out what it is that I really need and want. Because after all, If my heart is truly happy, it shouldn't matter where my heart resides. It resides within me.

My life tends to throw me curveballs when my eyes are closed. I want to be ready when it comes this time, because at least I have the advantage of knowing it's coming at some point. Plus, it's been a while since I've hit a home run. So yeah, i'm competitive by nature. I can compete hard with myself. I think that's healthy. Wether I remain in Calgary, or head closer to the coast, I will be ready for whatever is next.

I need to maintain balance by living in the now. My job is important and fun to me. I can't become too disconnected to the point that it stunts my growth. (just in case I was to stay). Daily writings will keep me present. So will yoga. So will work outs. So will clean whole foods. I will maintain balance as best as I can. I will check in with myself and allow all feelings to come through these pages, and accept all of them. I am here today for a reason. I love my beautiful life. I am blessed. I am ready.

{i accept}

I accept that right now, Calgary is home. I will meditate on that. I accept my physical being, exactly as I am. I will work to become the physical being I know I am, through self love, dedication and physical exercise. I accept that I have lots going on in my mind and soul, and commit to expressing feelings, and allowing myself to be vulnerable, and grow.

{mantra} I accept life today, and ME. I am here, I am now, I am present I am grounded."

#ESMEINK Journal Entry by Lise-Marie Johnson