motivational

#ESMEINK :"Being Quiet + Letting Go " Day 14

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Today I feel there are not many words. I'm a bit stuck picking a topic, and nothing has outright slapped me in the face to inspire me like in the past week. So I leave it short and sweet today, simply checking in with my self. And I feel content. Happy. Somewhat more grounded and calm. I'm grateful. I'm at peace.

{PEACE.} It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, hard work, chaos, hardship, struggle, etc… It means to be in the midst of all of those things and still find calm in your heart.

{Lise-Marie Johnson}

....Hi, I'm Bekah Glass - and I write and manage this beautiful blog for Esme.

Along this #ESMEINK journey with Lise - each and every time I receive her journal entries - I am not only captured by her vulnerability - but also encouraged to share my own truth. There is such freedom in sharing ourselves with others - the victories, defeat, and grey confusing areas of every day life. I have felt the kind push of my heart and soul to begin sharing my own stories with you...and although today - Lise found a blockage in her writing ... I wanted to jump in and add on to her above journal entry...I may ramble, but hopefully i somewhat make sense...

In the midst of the chaos of life - quieting ourselves is one of the most powerful tools we hold control over. I grew up learning scripture in the southern US - the "bible belt" - and although I feel I've veered off the path of rigidness within religion- I still find life-giving truths from the things I've learned along the way. One of my favourite verses as a young adult was Psalm 46:10:

"Be STILL and KNOW that I am God."  

I have always struggled with the voices that surround me. I have found significance in others approval of me and great sensitivity towards negativity and judgement. The reason I always loved this scripture was because it calmed me - it reminded me to stop, regain perspective, block the voices of others, and be silent. However, recently I learned that the Hebrew meaning of this scripture actually does not mean to "BE QUIET" - but to "LET GO"...  this changed everything for me.

I am currently in battle with letting go of so many things - my past, my mistakes, who others EXPECT me to be, and who I MYSELF have expected to become.

Letting go is not losing your voice, goals, or heart ... it is simply granting yourself a little more grace.

Grace is one thing we all need to give freely with zero restraint...

especially to ourselves. 

So - stop, be still, have real conversations with your heart - ask yourself the tough, piercing questions... but also let go of the HINDERING energy, expectations...the PRESSURE. When we step into the space of allowing ourselves freedom to be quiet and explore - we cultivate vulnerability and get to know our own hearts.

Never quiet the longings within yourself - but try to let go of the pressure and restraint. Allow yourself to wander, learn, be curious...and also figure out what is best to release the power & control over ....to LET GO OF...we tend to find these answers in the quiet moments we spend with ourselves.

Let go and dive into yourself. Unrelentingly. Passionately. Unapologetically.

We invite you to join along with us in this personal journey of pouring out - we want to learn with you. A tribe of others that seek truth, personal growth, and new lessons - is such a beautiful group to be apart of....Please share your stories, struggles, and triumphs with us.

xo.

#ESMEINK Journal Entry by Bekah Davis Glass & Lise-Marie Johnson

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#ESMEINK : "Defining Me" Day 9

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{who am I?}

How can it be, that I'm still discovering who I am? Does that ever end? Or is it similar to growing to reach divine enlightenment? Something a spiritual person strives for every day. Becoming a warrior. When will I be ready to tell my story? What is my story? Everyone has one, how do I sum it up?

This is what I'm facing the past month. Getting dirty. Telling my story. Building a "brand". Knowing whom I'd like to reach. Defining my mission and purpose. I think that it may be somewhat evolutionary, and a one-day-at-a-time type of journey. I also think I'm on my way. These journals are helping me break through barriers and nourishing my soul.

{Me}

I am a mother, a lover, a spiritual soul searching for a greater purpose, a glass-half-full kind of person. I love culture, food, mother earth, and all things strange. I'm competitive (mostly with myself). I love LOVE.  I dislike judgement. I have fears. I have regrets. I know my mistakes enable me to learn and grow. I love watching my children grow into beautiful little humans. I believe in the importance of what elders have to offer and teach, and the importance of instilling tradition and culture in my children. I think we (humans) have a certain duty to teach our young how to care for themselves, the earth, and their elders, and carry on traditions. I love the "togetherness of food" (culture). I use the word LOVE a  lot.

{self love}

Some of the things I love about myself in no particular order; I'm kind and soft spoken when necessary. I'm wild and free when I open up. I'm loyal. I'm a good listener. I don't' judge. I love all humans, and believe in the good of humanity. I'm spiritual, and want to grow. I'm athletic, and love mother earth. I''m able to grow and harvest food, and prepare and preserve it. When I set out to achieve something, I almost always do. I forgive easily. I love my work. I am looking forward to the future. Although we (humans) are creatures of habit, I embrace change fairly well. I am gaining confidence in saying "no" to the things I don't want, and letting go of things and people in my life that do not serve me well. My self-confidence is growing daily.

{Name it, to change it -commitment}

Naming what sucks can be liberating. Today, I thought about going with procrastination, because it is something that's always needed focus. However, the commitment I have to getting these daily journals posted it keeping me some what in check. So I'm going to go with books (but truly, commitment). I LOVE books. But, It' s not often that I complete a book in it's entirety. I get damn close most of the time. Even books I'm interested in! Needless to say, (I think?) I always end up picking up these books later, or think about finishing them. It drives me crazy. Maybe I just need to feed my brain what it needs at the moment, and change it up as my mind desires something different. But it drives me crazy. I lack follow through. I also lack time to read with having toddlers.

So, now I'm dedicated to finish the most recent book I started. I'm a quarter of the way through. I'm not going to give myself a timeline. Goals/timelines don't always work out for me, but I'll get it done.

I feel like the "book" is a metaphor for commitment. So, that being said, I commit to getting this book read. Interestingly, commitment is something that is rooted to the base chakra. Which is where I'm putting much of my focus lately. Funny how these things unfold as I write! Life is divine!

I leave today's journal with an amazing quote by the amazing Jim Morrison;

"The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution on an individual level. It's got to happen inside first."

-Jim Morrison

#ESMEINK Journal Entry by Lise-Marie Johnson

 

#ESMEINK : "Desire & Fear" Day 4

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DESIRE AND FEAR : Public Speaking 

"We don't create abundance. Abundance is always present. We create limitation" -Arnold Patent

I feel this overwhelming drive to want to speak in front of crowds. To educate and inspire. It terrifies me just as much as I feel the pull to do it. I lack confidence, because I typically don't fail at things when I really want them. I refuse. But that has to be a good thing. Some one whom I look up to very much explained that if I feel scared, or nervous, or have doubts, it means essentially that I am ready. Otherwise, I suppose I wouldn't have these thoughts in the first place. I know what I want to be successful. I don't want my fears to create limitations in my life any longer.

What am I afraid of and why the blockage? I remember grade 5 like it was yesterday. I had a very shy exterior. I've never been great or confident in front of crowds (at least that's how i've always felt). Each student in every class from each grade was to compose a speech and present in front of their own class. Gross. So we all got through it, and somehow I was nominated from my class to present my speech in front of the school assembly. Of course, I declined the offer left, right, up, down, until I felt convinced to finally say yes to this horrible idea.

Day of assembly. My turn. Nervous as %&*$!! Not sure the delivery presented anything other than that. I got through it, but didn't remember much. (probably due to shock)

End of that school day. An un-named boy, well known in the school with his crew, walked passed me and said…"by the way, your speech sucked". He and his friends all laughed.

I've had reservations about public speaking since. Crazy that something that happened so many years ago can have such an impact even as an adult! Insecurities suck.

People change. We were all kids, and there are no ill feelings towards that person at all. I've said things I'm not proud of as a human, but that's being a kid.

It's learning and growing.

I had another bad public speaking experience where I was just unprepared, and had to deliver a 5 minute presentation for a group interview with a company for a position. I got about one minute in before a complete mental block, and finally, after a good long 20 seconds or so, had to take my seat awkwardly.

Since then, I've had to speak in front of crowds a handful of times. Each time it's gotten easier. First, because I was prepared, and second, because I've grown from my past experiences. I have also learned, that almost everyone is terrified of public speaking-even the ones who are good at it!

My husband posted a quote on facebook that I had to keep….

''I think midlife is when the universe gently places it's hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear:
I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.
Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.
Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.''
-Brené Brown

{MANTRA}

I am ready. The time is now. I release fear. It is not welcome. Growth is upon me, and my Desires will become reality.

#ESME INK Journal Entry by Lise-Marie Johnson