personal

#ESMEINK : "Saying No & Going with the Flow" Day 17

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sayingno

THE POWER OF SAYING "NO", AND GOING WITH THE FLOW

I have learned to say no. I am getting more comfortable with setting boundaries. I'm done feeling guilty for wanting what I want in life. This is self love! It's not selfish, and it's not hurting anyone else. I try my best to take care of other peoples feelings, but not to the point that I shove mine aside. Remembering…..In order to love others, I have to love myself first.

I've considered lately, creating a sacred space. A physical one. I have begun creating a scared space in my heart, where I can go when I need peace. It's where I ground myself, and meditate. It's where I find clarity. But, amidst the craziness in my life-and by crazy I mean amazing but busy-I would love to have a sacred space in my home that is mine. Where I can light candles. Read my favourite book. Soak my feet. Do my yoga, meditate. Really, whatever I need at the time. I want to feel like I have a place that feels far from home, that's not. Growing up, my mom had her sewing room. I remember her wanting a sewing room for years before she finally had one. A space of her own. Where she could make something beautiful. For herself. For her soul. It was kind of like a sacred space, that was just for her, not for us kids. Of course, as a kid I didn't realize that having a sewing "room" meant actually having a sanctuary that was kid-free, noise-free, stress free, and a place where she probably felt at peace, balanced and centred. It was a world of her own-just for her! So, I've decided. Now that our teenagers both no longer live here, I'm going to work on turning the spare room downstairs into a room that I can use whenever I please. I'm going to decorate it, maybe even paint it-it could use a fresh coat anyways- Put up pictures that inspire me. Gather my books and trinkets, cozy blankets and essential oils, sage, and set up shop for my soul.

Wow-So here I thought I was going to write about how "saying no" is empowering, self loving and important to health. I've touched on it, but felt more inspired to go with the flow today. And now I'm pretty set on beginning a new project. See, nothing is certain. The only thing certain in life, is change. Life is beautiful! Buckle up and just enjoy the ride they say.

I'm going to created a sacred space. Dive deeper into my spirit and bring more joy into my life.

Halleluja!

And a quote…..

"I now take my power back as I choose to respect, honour and love myself." -Trudy Vesotsky

gowiththeflow

#ESMEINK Journal Entry by Lise-Marie Johnson

#ESMEINK :"Being Quiet + Letting Go " Day 14

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Today I feel there are not many words. I'm a bit stuck picking a topic, and nothing has outright slapped me in the face to inspire me like in the past week. So I leave it short and sweet today, simply checking in with my self. And I feel content. Happy. Somewhat more grounded and calm. I'm grateful. I'm at peace.

{PEACE.} It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, hard work, chaos, hardship, struggle, etc… It means to be in the midst of all of those things and still find calm in your heart.

{Lise-Marie Johnson}

....Hi, I'm Bekah Glass - and I write and manage this beautiful blog for Esme.

Along this #ESMEINK journey with Lise - each and every time I receive her journal entries - I am not only captured by her vulnerability - but also encouraged to share my own truth. There is such freedom in sharing ourselves with others - the victories, defeat, and grey confusing areas of every day life. I have felt the kind push of my heart and soul to begin sharing my own stories with you...and although today - Lise found a blockage in her writing ... I wanted to jump in and add on to her above journal entry...I may ramble, but hopefully i somewhat make sense...

In the midst of the chaos of life - quieting ourselves is one of the most powerful tools we hold control over. I grew up learning scripture in the southern US - the "bible belt" - and although I feel I've veered off the path of rigidness within religion- I still find life-giving truths from the things I've learned along the way. One of my favourite verses as a young adult was Psalm 46:10:

"Be STILL and KNOW that I am God."  

I have always struggled with the voices that surround me. I have found significance in others approval of me and great sensitivity towards negativity and judgement. The reason I always loved this scripture was because it calmed me - it reminded me to stop, regain perspective, block the voices of others, and be silent. However, recently I learned that the Hebrew meaning of this scripture actually does not mean to "BE QUIET" - but to "LET GO"...  this changed everything for me.

I am currently in battle with letting go of so many things - my past, my mistakes, who others EXPECT me to be, and who I MYSELF have expected to become.

Letting go is not losing your voice, goals, or heart ... it is simply granting yourself a little more grace.

Grace is one thing we all need to give freely with zero restraint...

especially to ourselves. 

So - stop, be still, have real conversations with your heart - ask yourself the tough, piercing questions... but also let go of the HINDERING energy, expectations...the PRESSURE. When we step into the space of allowing ourselves freedom to be quiet and explore - we cultivate vulnerability and get to know our own hearts.

Never quiet the longings within yourself - but try to let go of the pressure and restraint. Allow yourself to wander, learn, be curious...and also figure out what is best to release the power & control over ....to LET GO OF...we tend to find these answers in the quiet moments we spend with ourselves.

Let go and dive into yourself. Unrelentingly. Passionately. Unapologetically.

We invite you to join along with us in this personal journey of pouring out - we want to learn with you. A tribe of others that seek truth, personal growth, and new lessons - is such a beautiful group to be apart of....Please share your stories, struggles, and triumphs with us.

xo.

#ESMEINK Journal Entry by Bekah Davis Glass & Lise-Marie Johnson

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#ESMEINK : "Consciousness" Day 8

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{ Consiousness }

"He reached over to the refrigerator, grasped an onion, and tossed it to me. "Peel it, layer by layer," he demanded. I started peeling. "What do you find?" "Another layer." "Continue." I peeled off a few more layers. "Just more layers, Soc." I said. "Keep going." "There's nothing left." "There's something left, all right." "What's that?" "The universe. Consider that as you walk home."

-From the book, "Way of the peaceful warrior"

Just when I feel like I'm going crazy because of how busy my mind is, I come across this piece from an amazing book. It's a lot to consider for sure. I'm called to meditate. Journalling has been great, but seems to have opened up so many thoughts, feelings, and confusion. I am writing down thoughts and ideas the moment I get them, so that I can write about them later. Some of them I don't feel ready to tackle when it comes time to sit down and write. Others, i'm just not that passionate to write about. I want each entry to really mean something. I want to work on my soul. Find what drives me. Get to know myself better.

There is change upon me, and it's a strong, heavy feeling. I don't know what it is, but I only feel this way when I know something big on the way. It's a strange energy.

{change}

Only the mind is resistant to change. When we are able to relax to a state of mindlessness, we feel happy, free, present, and don't sense separation from anything.

"The body is Consciousness; never born; never dies; only changes. The mind-your ego, personal beliefs, history, and identity-is all that ends at death." -"way of the peaceful warrior"

I want my mind to be less noisy. I want to feel more present. Meditation helps. If I can pay attention to the 2 main processes; insight and surrender, then I should be able to let go and be free of the mind, in those moments I need peace. Insight-paying attention to what is arising. Surrender-letting go of attachment to arising thoughts. I allow thoughts to come in, and I allow myself to let them go. This will give me peace.

I have no mantra for today. Rather, I will breathe deep, listen to the rhythm of my heartbeat and breath. For today, I am alive with many passions, and I will move through these thoughts without getting stuck.

"Quiet the mind, and the soul will speak." -Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati

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#ESMEINK Journal Entry by Lise-Marie Johnson

#ESMEINK : "Desire & Fear" Day 4

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DESIRE AND FEAR : Public Speaking 

"We don't create abundance. Abundance is always present. We create limitation" -Arnold Patent

I feel this overwhelming drive to want to speak in front of crowds. To educate and inspire. It terrifies me just as much as I feel the pull to do it. I lack confidence, because I typically don't fail at things when I really want them. I refuse. But that has to be a good thing. Some one whom I look up to very much explained that if I feel scared, or nervous, or have doubts, it means essentially that I am ready. Otherwise, I suppose I wouldn't have these thoughts in the first place. I know what I want to be successful. I don't want my fears to create limitations in my life any longer.

What am I afraid of and why the blockage? I remember grade 5 like it was yesterday. I had a very shy exterior. I've never been great or confident in front of crowds (at least that's how i've always felt). Each student in every class from each grade was to compose a speech and present in front of their own class. Gross. So we all got through it, and somehow I was nominated from my class to present my speech in front of the school assembly. Of course, I declined the offer left, right, up, down, until I felt convinced to finally say yes to this horrible idea.

Day of assembly. My turn. Nervous as %&*$!! Not sure the delivery presented anything other than that. I got through it, but didn't remember much. (probably due to shock)

End of that school day. An un-named boy, well known in the school with his crew, walked passed me and said…"by the way, your speech sucked". He and his friends all laughed.

I've had reservations about public speaking since. Crazy that something that happened so many years ago can have such an impact even as an adult! Insecurities suck.

People change. We were all kids, and there are no ill feelings towards that person at all. I've said things I'm not proud of as a human, but that's being a kid.

It's learning and growing.

I had another bad public speaking experience where I was just unprepared, and had to deliver a 5 minute presentation for a group interview with a company for a position. I got about one minute in before a complete mental block, and finally, after a good long 20 seconds or so, had to take my seat awkwardly.

Since then, I've had to speak in front of crowds a handful of times. Each time it's gotten easier. First, because I was prepared, and second, because I've grown from my past experiences. I have also learned, that almost everyone is terrified of public speaking-even the ones who are good at it!

My husband posted a quote on facebook that I had to keep….

''I think midlife is when the universe gently places it's hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear:
I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.
Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.
Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.''
-Brené Brown

{MANTRA}

I am ready. The time is now. I release fear. It is not welcome. Growth is upon me, and my Desires will become reality.

#ESME INK Journal Entry by Lise-Marie Johnson