spiritual

#ESMEINK : "Defining Me" Day 9

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{who am I?}

How can it be, that I'm still discovering who I am? Does that ever end? Or is it similar to growing to reach divine enlightenment? Something a spiritual person strives for every day. Becoming a warrior. When will I be ready to tell my story? What is my story? Everyone has one, how do I sum it up?

This is what I'm facing the past month. Getting dirty. Telling my story. Building a "brand". Knowing whom I'd like to reach. Defining my mission and purpose. I think that it may be somewhat evolutionary, and a one-day-at-a-time type of journey. I also think I'm on my way. These journals are helping me break through barriers and nourishing my soul.

{Me}

I am a mother, a lover, a spiritual soul searching for a greater purpose, a glass-half-full kind of person. I love culture, food, mother earth, and all things strange. I'm competitive (mostly with myself). I love LOVE.  I dislike judgement. I have fears. I have regrets. I know my mistakes enable me to learn and grow. I love watching my children grow into beautiful little humans. I believe in the importance of what elders have to offer and teach, and the importance of instilling tradition and culture in my children. I think we (humans) have a certain duty to teach our young how to care for themselves, the earth, and their elders, and carry on traditions. I love the "togetherness of food" (culture). I use the word LOVE a  lot.

{self love}

Some of the things I love about myself in no particular order; I'm kind and soft spoken when necessary. I'm wild and free when I open up. I'm loyal. I'm a good listener. I don't' judge. I love all humans, and believe in the good of humanity. I'm spiritual, and want to grow. I'm athletic, and love mother earth. I''m able to grow and harvest food, and prepare and preserve it. When I set out to achieve something, I almost always do. I forgive easily. I love my work. I am looking forward to the future. Although we (humans) are creatures of habit, I embrace change fairly well. I am gaining confidence in saying "no" to the things I don't want, and letting go of things and people in my life that do not serve me well. My self-confidence is growing daily.

{Name it, to change it -commitment}

Naming what sucks can be liberating. Today, I thought about going with procrastination, because it is something that's always needed focus. However, the commitment I have to getting these daily journals posted it keeping me some what in check. So I'm going to go with books (but truly, commitment). I LOVE books. But, It' s not often that I complete a book in it's entirety. I get damn close most of the time. Even books I'm interested in! Needless to say, (I think?) I always end up picking up these books later, or think about finishing them. It drives me crazy. Maybe I just need to feed my brain what it needs at the moment, and change it up as my mind desires something different. But it drives me crazy. I lack follow through. I also lack time to read with having toddlers.

So, now I'm dedicated to finish the most recent book I started. I'm a quarter of the way through. I'm not going to give myself a timeline. Goals/timelines don't always work out for me, but I'll get it done.

I feel like the "book" is a metaphor for commitment. So, that being said, I commit to getting this book read. Interestingly, commitment is something that is rooted to the base chakra. Which is where I'm putting much of my focus lately. Funny how these things unfold as I write! Life is divine!

I leave today's journal with an amazing quote by the amazing Jim Morrison;

"The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution on an individual level. It's got to happen inside first."

-Jim Morrison

#ESMEINK Journal Entry by Lise-Marie Johnson

 

#ESMEINK : "Love" Day 6

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{ LOVE } 

Yesterday's solstice, on a full moon, spoke of a summer of love, a bountiful harvest to come, new beginnings, letting go, addressing fears and relationships. Strangely, all topics I've been compelled to write about in my journals this past week.

Today I write about love in the light of this moon!

I love, love. Always have. I believe there is someone for everyone. I knew I would find true love, and then, finally I did. When I least expected it, and that's a beautiful cliche.

Darkness is necessary for my growth.

I didn't get married super young, and I'm glad. I came close to settling. A couple of times. Yesterday I mentioned that I'm grateful for my ugly relationships because of what I learned from them. Today, rather than refer to them as "ugly relationships", I call them "the times that taught me about love".

These times became dark, and scary. I ended up feeling hatred towards myself, and I developed walls which would eventually effect future relationships. For me, these dark moments were important and necessary.

Darkness is where all seeds begin. They can't grow, blossom, or be appreciated by others if they're not down in the cold dark dirt to lay roots, and start growing. And grow, I did. I knew what I would and would not accept in a relationship. I knew what things I was willing to let go. I knew that morals had to match. I knew that Self growth was something I never wanted to be frowned upon, or discouraged. I knew how much I was willing to give back. I became ready for love, but didn't realize it until love smacked me in the face.

{True love.}

When Stacy and I met, we fell in love fast. So fast it was frightening. We decided to just go with it.

He accepted me for where I was at in my life. A lost soul, in need of real love. He helped me break down my walls when I was ready. He wasn't afraid of my baggage. He accepted my past, and wanted a future. It seemed too good to be true, and wasn't.

There are so many stages of love, and I don't' know how to explain them. All I know, is hindsight is beautiful. I love reflecting on where we've been, how far we've come, the beautiful moments, the challenges. We are entering our 7th year together this month. Rough patches in a good healthy relationship are pretty easily forgotten. They are normal. It means that we are, and always will be our own divine, individual selves, working together to achieve a feel-good, meaningful spiritual life.

We take the time to self love, in order to better love each other. We support one another in our decisions, knowing that our belief systems are aligned and keep us strong. We believe in each other, helping us believe in ourselves.

The future is bright with burning love.

{MANTRA}

Shima, shima, shima.

(Love, love, love.)

#ESMEINK Journal Entry by Lise-Marie Johnson